The Kink scene in many capital cities including London, New York and Berlin is and ever-growing culture, and if you’re new to the scene or even just considering an event the most important topic to consider is consent. Knowing how to approach others at sex friendly clubs and kink events can be daunting but consent is a crucial aspect of the industry.
Dialogue
First and foremost, it’s important to consider the desires and needs of both parties. Have you been clear about what you’re wanting to explore with them beforehand and them with you? If you’re not sure always look to verbally confirm ‘is it okay if we do this?’, ‘are you comfortable with…’. If you’re planning on having them restrained during any activity be extra careful to check that they are okay with the tightness of the restraints and will be comfortable in the position that they are restrained in. Equally if you want to experiment with impact toys you should always check with your partner what they are happy to be spanked with.
Communication is key.
Even if you have gained verbal consent to play with a partner once inside the club it’s essential to continue communication! If for example you are planning an impact session with a partner in a club, it’s crucial that you should check with them beforehand their pain thresh hold, limits and safe word. A safe word is a great way to ensure the fun stays safe and consensual with main partners now opting for a traffic light code system; Green- go ahead, Amber- when they are almost at their limit, Red- stop. Ensure to keep checking in with your partner at regular intervals, especially if the music is loud and they are facing away from you for a spanking session, you should be checking that you are still communicating together clearly!
Body language
Pay attention to the body language of your partner. Not everyone is as comfortable expressing their desires or limits verbally! Keep checking that your partner is still comfortable with the sensation and experience, if you feel like they are struggling it’s time to stop. If it is your first time experiencing a club it’s better to enter with no expectations, sometimes even a kinky scene planned out may not feel comfortable in action- no one should feel pressured into a particular scene.
Awareness of your surroundings
Also remember to remain respectful of others around you. Just because you have been given the consent of your play partner, still ensure you’re aware of others in the space around you! It’s common for clubs in the scene to have a ‘Dungeon’ or ‘Playroom’ which is a shared space for play with others, so stay aware of invading other’s space. If the club is busy, try to be mindful that other’s may also require consent for you to be in their space whilst experiencing their own play. Interrupting others is a guaranteed way to get you removed from a Kink club, so in most cases you should consider ‘is there space for me to safely and respectfully use this space for my needs?’.
Sexual wellbeing
Finally sexual wellbeing in this environment is essential. You should always be safe when in a kink scene environment. Both men and women should always carry and use protection. Ensure your partner/ partners check in with you that you are wearing protection, or they are wearing it, staying safe is sexy!
Most importantly it’s okay at any point to say stop without judgement! The more you communicate your desires with others the more enjoyment you’ll gain from exploring with a partner who consensually enjoys the same kinks!
